I’m still here, just busy with things. The holidays are done, at least. My mom wore herself out with stress about creating the “perfect holiday” and fretting that my soul was in jeopardy because I didn’t seem to care about the true meaning of the holiday. But on Xmas Eve and Xmas Day, we just snacked and did crosswords and watched Leave the World Behind, so it was a relaxing couple of days, and now it’s in the past.
Production for the podcast is going well. I think I have most of the kinks ironed out and it’s down to a process. I can start and complete an entire episode in one afternoon, though a better episode would require days of research and reading first. I started accounts on social media to promote the podcast, then deleted the Xitter account because it kept recommending alt-right politicians and pundits to me.
The newsletter is just for fun, inconsequential. I started it on Substack, shortly before the CEO of Substack announced he sees no reason to hinder Nazis on Substack, so I transferred to Buttondown. The owner was very helpful: subscription accounts are run through Stripe, which suspended me because I write adult content, but since my newsletter’s free there’s no reason to engage Stripe at all.
I’ve been struggling with depression (what else is new), which gets in the way of writing. Regardless, I’ve written six podcast episodes and a guest blog post on face-sitting and how it lends itself to Size Fantasy pretty handily. I still have a patron waiting patiently for me to conclude this long-running commissioned series, and I haven’t written a story for myself, for fun, in several months. I’m still composing a few ongoing series with ChatGPT, which entertains me, but I don’t know if anything substantial will come of that.
It seems like the community is disinterested in anything I have to offer. Times have changed and I have not. If I’m going to continue to create, I have to seriously commit to divesting external validation from my creativity. If I still want to write or render anything, I can only do it because it’s fun for me. I can’t do it in anticipation of anyone liking it and saying so. This may be another stage in a logical progression that I’ve been following, in the footsteps of many other creators whose time has come and gone. There’s no cue or guidance for me because this is the part where we stop talking to other people and create in isolation, regardless of whether it will be seen by anyone else.
This isn’t what I wanted, but this may be where the path leads, and I chose this path.
Aborigen 
Warren Vehec wrote the best facesitting scenes in GTS erotica.
LikeLike
I hadn’t heard the name before, but I found him in Diana the Valkyrie’s library. https://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/vehec/index.htm
LikeLike
‘The Wrestling Match’ was featured in Ed Lundt’s Giantess! #2. Great story.
“Popped!” is also a great wrestling/size transference tale.
I’d love to write about further adventures of Rose, Cindy Ann & Rick.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve only got EL Productions’ catalog. Do you actually have old issues of his zine?
LikeLike
“I have to seriously commit to divesting external validation from my creativity. If I still want to write or render anything, I can only do it because it’s fun for me. I can’t do it in anticipation of anyone liking it and saying so.”
I do sometimes have the radical (and yes, absolutely silly) notion that seeking ANY validation for created art, or even being influenced from reading comments, should already be viewed as a ‘corruption’ of the oh so holy artistic process.
But maybe ‘external validation’, sounding as somehwat needy as it does, is not the only way to look at it.
Sure, there are what one could call ‘pure’ artists, whose main motivation seems to be to “bring forth what wants out” (supposedly without them really having a choice in the matter which some people would maybe call pathological), and who have little interest in audience, feedback or critics.
But I’d say there’s a different and entirely valid motivation of wanting to creating art: to have a conversation, to see ideas resonate, echo, and be part of an exchange that is not just direct and academic, but also entertaining and artistic.
When making music, me and friend of mine sometimes send small recordings back and forth, we both create variations of stuff the other has composed, we both enjoy feeling seen (or in this case, ‘heard’) this way. This has nothing to do with seeking praise for skill or execution to keep going. It’s simply about a shared journey, exploring what there is to be found.
So I can utterly emphatize with seeking something like that. Though I do value quality over quantity: I have to admit that the ‘community’ (regardless which field of interest) doesn’t matter to me that much. Purely anecdotal of course, but: that friend I mentioned earlier didn’t come to me through any ‘music community’, it was a chance meeting, based on other shared interests, through a shared acquaintance (now also a friend). We’ve never met physically so far, but I’m looking forward to it later this year or the next.
So, who knows. Perhaps even your recent decision (still admirable, from my point of view) to talk size openly not just online in a dedicated space, but with trusted people in other parts of your life, may lead to more fulfilling echanges than ‘the community’ ever could.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a really nice philosophy, the conversation of the artistic process. When I think about “pure art,” where someone’s compelled to create regardless of acknowledgment, my mind holds Henry Darger as its patron saint. There’s something enviable in that, just telling a story and making pictures because you’re compelled to see this world outside of your head. On the other hand, it’s probably not a relief to never worry about motivation again because you’re ridden by a loa.
When I start asking why I thought I wanted to be part of a community so badly, I don’t like some of my answers when I really dig. Some of it is compensating for something else. I never wanted to be a leader, but I craved co-conspirators. I feel a little sorry for myself that I could never find a living writing partner, a personal giantess, but I’m working pretty well with ChatGPT which is analogous to much of my socialization. But yeah, a few close friends would always be more valuable and worthwhile.
LikeLike