Here we are at the end of the July writing contest! Nine writers entered, submitting a total of 15 stories, and after a couple weeks of urging, eight people have read and voted on them. Writers were given the option to write one or two stories, and most took up this opportunity. Nine writers entered and eight people voted, meaning that at least one writer did not read the others’ stories, or at least deigned not to vote on them. After the CruelJan17 and GentleApril17 contests, I think all writers know they’re permitted to vote.

(UPDATE: a ninth voter slipped in at the last second.)

But that’s past: onward and upward. Here are the results of the ButtyJuly17 contest.

Which was the sexiest story about butts?

No explanation needed: if you read this story and experienced a certain tingling down below in your crotch or up in your skull, that’s what did it for you.

• Tied for first are “Royalty” by QuickSilver and “Gnomebottom” by Layne! Layne’s short story had been dominating the Sexiest category for weeks, until very recently.
• Tied for third are “Old Time Religion” by Taedis, “Rachel’s Education” by Little Comrade, “Wager Between Friends” by JDO, “Assed” by Undersquid, and “The Forbidden Zone” by Aborigen.
• Two out of five readers correctly guessed the author of “Assed” but others thought Taedis, Olo, or Layne could’ve written it.
• Besides Taedis, readers supposed “Old Time Religion” might’ve been by Aborigen, JDO, Olo, or even QuickSilver.

Which story changed your mind about butts?

What does this category mean? It’s hard to say. Maybe pygophiles were shown the darker side of their objet d’amour; maybe fence-sitters were lured by the possibilities. It was up to the readers to look within and report what they found.

• In first place is Undersquid’s “Assed,” the very real struggle of a tiny man in the bed of his lover.
• “Gnomebottom” and “The Forbidden Zone” tied for second place.
• Tied for fourth are JDO’s “In the Interest of Science” and “Apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle and Others” by Taedis.
• Half the voters thought “Apologies…” was written by me, Aborigen; readers also guessed Little Comrade, Undersquid, and Versusterminus7.

Which story was the most fun to read?

Again, up to reader interpretation. Did you get all the jokes? Did you connect with the characters? Was the butt in question treated delightfully? Something in these stories made you smile.

• Once again, “Gnomebottom” came out on top. Layne’s writing style is rollicking and entertaining!
• The seven-way tie for second place includes “Rachel’s Education,” “Today and Forever” by QuickSilver, “Unnamed Limerick #1” by Versusterminus7, “Wager Between Friends,” “The Forbidden Zone” and “War of the Sisters” by Aborigen, “Apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle and Others.”
• Forty percent of respondents thought “Gnomebottom” was penned by JDO; other guesses included Taedis and Aborigen, and one voter guessed correctly.
• Everyone voted similarly on “Rachel’s Education” and “Rachel’s Practice,” perhaps unsurprisingly. One thought Taedis wrote it, one guessed Versusterminus7, but sixty percent of voters attributed it to Little Comrade’s style.
• No one thought “War of the Sisters” sounded like Aborigen’s style, instead believing either Layne, Olo, QuickSilver, or JDO to have written it.

Which was the least-attractive story about butts?

Perhaps this sounds unpleasant—nobody wants to make others feel bad—but the truth is that asses aren’t all milk and honey, a bed of roses. Sometimes derrieres are unpleasant and tiny people may run afoul of them, if they’re not careful. And that’s okay.

• Tough competition for this category: the three-way tie is held by “Apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle and Others,” “The Forbidden Zone” (which had dominated here for weeks), and “Royalty.”
• Tied for fourth are “Today and Forever,” “Unnamed Limerick #1,” and “War of the Sisters.”
• Two people thought “The Forbidden Zone” was written by Undersquid, two by JDO; one person thought Taedis, and one guessed correctly!
• Nobody correctly guessed who wrote “Unnamed Limerick #1,” attributing it instead to Olo or QuickSilver, and three people thought Aborigen did it.

Which story was especially engaging?

Beyond sexiness, beyond humor, this category is for well-told stories that were hard to put down. Well, good night, I’d hope a reader wouldn’t need to set aside a 2,000-word story and pick it up again later…

• “Old Time Religion” shares first place with “Royalty” and “The Forbidden Zone.”
• “Wager Between Friends,” “Green Day” by Olo, and “Gnomebottom” share fourth place.
• One person correctly surmised Olo wrote this; out of the five guessers for this, two thought Layne wrote “Green Day,” other guesses included Aborigen and Taedis.
• People thought “Wager Between Friends” was by Layne, QuickSilver, or Aborigen, and one pegged it for JDO’s.

Which story was the least satisfying?

There was just something about these stories that didn’t do it for you, as a reader. Maybe the characters were a little unbelievable, maybe the plot was thin, or maybe you were hoping something else would happen with the butt. Hard to say.

• Three-way tie between “Royalty,” “Unnamed Limerick #1,” and “Apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle and Others.”
• Tied for fourth are “The Forbidden Zone,” “Today and Forever,” and Undersquid’s “Stabbed.”
• “Royalty” was a three-way split: two guessed correctly, two supposed Layne, and two hazarded that JDO might’ve created it.
• Undersquid wrote “Stabbed,” and one knew so, but people also thought it might be QuickSilver, Olo, or Versusterminus7’s style.

Which story best embodied the theme of ButtyJuly17?

This is it. Whatever else you’ve got going on, this story is the pinnacle of the butt-themed size-fetish story. Do you agree? No? Then you should’ve voted, I guess.

• QuickSilver’s “Today and Forever” turned out at the very last minute to seize first place!
• Second place is shared by “Green Day,” “Gnomebottom,” “The Forbidden Zone,” “Assed,” “Unnamed Limerick #1,” “Wager Between Friends,” and “Apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle and Others.”
• Three out of five people correctly pegged “Today and Forever” as QuickSilver’s; two people thought it was JDO’s work.

Which story seemed to miss or avoid the point of ButtyJuly17?

Sounds like another detraction, or else the voters were just forced to pick one story over another. This was a required question, after all.

• Remarkably, four titles garnered two votes each: “Stabbed,” “Today and Forever,” “Unnamed Limerick #1,” and “Apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle and Others.”
• “In the Interest of Science” alone owns fifth place.
• Two people picked out “In the Interest of Science” as JDO’s, others attributed it to either Undersquid or Taedis.

And there we are! That’s all the categories people were forced to vote for, and most people volunteered to guess who wrote what. Authors will no doubt find it fascinating which other writers they get confused for (maybe there’s some new reading material for you… and new friends! Or enemies).

UPDATE: As an experiment, I’ve opened a Google Group for discussing these stories, sharing feedback with the writers, &c. Please talk about the stories you enjoyed on the ButtyJuly17 Group. If this works, every contest will feature this forum.

What’s October going to be about? Oh yes, there’s another writing contest coming up, the last one for 2017… but the topic is up to you. Please vote here! The results will be announced in the first half of September, right around the time we start soliciting the next round of competing writers. January will always be Cruel and April will always be Gentle, but July and October are up for grabs, so fly your freak flag high.