Aborigen

Among a certain class of people, around a certain age, there’s a dissatisfaction with the world as it is, or at least within one’s ambit. People experience a hunger, a longing for the way things should be, an archetypal slot that hasn’t been fulfilled. Maybe they get these notions from movies and music videos, the glorification of military activity. Maybe they get it from storybooks and fairy tales, wishing for an age of adventure, a world teeming with monsters to be slain and evil rulers to be vanquished. Or maybe modern society simply doesn’t provide a crucial developmental transition, the “rite of passage” from childhood to adulthood, an affirmative gesture by which an individual can prove themselves. This craving has corrupted into a lust for firearms, preparing for imaginary enemies—often as not, firing upon one’s fellow Americans in a patriotic psychotic break—and antisocial, hate-based postures like the “alpha male,” the “sigma,” the “high-value man” and other plaintive cries for validation, each imprinted with a short expiration date.

It has also engendered extreme activities: cliff-diving, mountain bikes on narrow passes over steep declines, playing with explosives, stunts on motorcycles that appear to defy the laws of physics. People push themselves to see how far they can go, see what they’re capable of. In the Olympics, we see astonishing performances by goddesses like Simone Biles, executing moves undreamed of 40 years ago. We see geniuses like Caitlin Clark, dominating women’s basketball at an early age.

In some ways, this pursuit of greatness and excellence has exceeded the limitations of the world we live in. No mountain is too high to surpass, no beast is cunning enough to evade our crosshairs. The appetite to meet and surpass the greatness we’ve achieved calls for something more than the world as we know it is capable of providing. How do we meet these new, unprecedented demands? How do we enable the continuum of human development to flow unchecked, when our own planet has let us down? Do we reach for the stars? Do we accept the divine ceiling and reconcile with the restrictions of our conditions? Or do we turn within, modifying and developing ourselves to create new challenges?

We’re TNS. We’re not new—we’ve been with you all along. You might recognize us as sponsors of the international Heart-and-Soul Calligraphy competitions, supporting new generations of artists in the pursuit of their inspiring craft. Governments and corporations around the world have sought our assistance in innovative solutions to the future’s questions of transportation, shipping, and manufacture. Our proprietary technology has been an open secret, reserved for the higher echelons of industry … until now.

You don’t have to rocket off to distant worlds for greater adventure. Everything you desire, everything your restless soul requires is right here on our beautiful, nurturing, giving planet. You simply have to adjust yourself to better accept its gifts, and that’s where TNS comes in to assist you.

Let us be candid with you: our work is not for everyone. The price seems proud, the process is irreversible, but the results are guaranteed, exclusive, and astonishing. We’re not only confident you’ll agree, we’re smug about it.

Silicon Interactive Technologies has made great strides in this direction, unfortunately limiting themselves to quaint shipping solutions. And we’ve all heard rumors of Undermountain Laboratories. If they’re not an urban legend, they’re squandering an opportunity. TNS is more than ready and qualified to step in and satisfy the void of their unfulfilled promise.

When we reduce you, the world you thought you knew suddenly explodes with potential … and adventure. Mere rocks become an exciting terrain of boulders to be conquered. A free fall from your dining room table captures all the thrill of flinging yourself from a cliff. Hunt the mighty weasel in its home territory, playing by its rules. As you can see, the beauty of this transformation comes not from expensive toys and exorbitant flights around the world. The one-time medical purchase opens up worlds of opportunity, right in your own backyard.

Take Joel, one of our premium clients. You’ve heard of him, his travel channel, his streaming adventures as he explored Mongolian caverns and Louisiana swamps. You’ve bought his T-shirt, his candy bar, his home podcast kit. You followed the development of his lawsuit as he trespassed in Indonesia’s Lawang Sewu, the “Thousand Doors,” one of the most haunted locations in Southeast Asia. What he experienced inside that location, as well as the ordeal of the international hold on his passport, told Joel that something in his life needed to change.

He came to TNS, seeking solutions, and we had them. As you’ve noticed in the dramatic shift in his online content, Joel’s world has gotten much larger. It started when his caretakers brought him to a state park, outfitting a GoPro onto a miniature kayak, and setting him free in a creek. To you and me, this was nothing more than a mild, crystal-clear stream, dappled with sunlight in early autumn. A floating leaf here, a foamy eddy there: a serene environment by which to relax and contemplate.

For Joel, it was quite the opposite. From the moment he left his girlfriend’s hand, when Cruz set him free in the placid waters, he knew he’d unlocked something thrilling and amazing. You heard the excitement in his voice as he approached the glossy river stones, protrusions that caused nothing more than a musical gurgle to the average person … but to Joel, these created a roaring channel of high adventure.

This initial segment was designed to appreciate the disparate experiences. Cruz recorded the relatively tame scene of a little toy boat bobbing down a burbling stream, while Joel’s camera shared his perspective, where sticks became logs, stones became boulders, and a ripple in the stream felt like a life-threatening riptide. Joel rebranded his entire online identity, shifting from @DeathCanon to @lowercase_j, and now we can follow his adventures as he explores a new world, at once familiar yet awe-inspiring. Did your heart stop when he encountered Stigma, his pet Bengal, for the first time? And let us confess, some of us are very much looking forward to Joel and Cruz’s Only Fans account, in development.

Grass, as wide and tall as the arching banners of a new business. Rocks and sticks, presenting a terrain daunting to any Humvee. Think back to that scene when Joel’s kayak was upended by a brown trout, hardly a meal for any normal-sized person but a dagger-toothed and mindlessly savage behemoth for someone of his dimensions. Everything you know, everything you’ve dismissed out of over-familiarity, it can all come back to you with a savage, overwhelming intensity.

Are you up for the challenge? We’re TNS. Let us unlock the door to adventure for you, like no one else can.