The Gong-Farmers

Luben drew back his scythe and swung into the dark mass. The long, curved chine bit through it easily, forming a huge coin for Filip to haul aside with a broad shovel. Filip poked around the large surface with a dull sword.

Planting the scythe’s snath in the ground and leaning on its heel, tall and lanky Luben asked his partner, “Anything?” The shorter, stockier laborer shook his head and was about to say something, when the pair heard the dull tattoo of hooves pounding the trail to town. Filip raised his eyebrows at Luben, who rolled his eyes heavenward.

Soon a knight arrived. His armor gleamed in the late-morning light, and his white steed seemed to be made of light. The regal mount reared to a halt before the two peasants, and the knight flipped up his visor in a sharp and practiced swipe.

“What ho, good sirrahs!” called out the rider boldly. “Well met, on this most illustrious day of our- holy fuck, what is that stench?” The knight doubled over in his saddle, struggling to remain mounted. The horse, contrarily, seemed unaffected.

“That’s shit, sir,” said Luben flatly.

The knight gasped for breath and backed his horse away several strides. “Yeah, it smells like shit, but where’s it coming from? Is there a swamp around here?” His polished helm swung left and right, searching the landscape. The fanciful plumes springing from the helm’s crown danced and darted about.

Filip merely pointed at the tremendous brown mass at which they were laboring.

The knight goggled at the laborers. “That? That small hillside is shit? What, have you been saving it up?”

“Eh, no, sir,” said Luben. “It comes from the giantess.”

The knight cantered his horse about, straining to find an upwind position. “Giants! I knew it! I knew they were around here somewhere! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of them for you!” He drew his sword with an impressive ringing scrape and slashed through the air dramatically.

“One giant, sir, an’ she’s a giantess,” said Filip, rising to his feet. “An’ iff’n it’s all the same to ye, we’d rather ye left her alone.”

“Oh-ho! That, I can’t do!” The knight swung his sword overhead in flashing arcs. “I’ve been set on a quest to dispatch the ugly, destructive giants around here! Don’t you two be worried about my well-being! I’ve taken down many large creatures, like a bear!” The white horse wisely kept his head down. There was plenty of good clover for him to gnaw around here.

“No, sir, we’ve no reason to question your competency. We’re quite sure you’re among the best at what you do.” He thumbed the grass nail idly. “We’d just ask you not to bother, sir.”

The knight sheathed his sword after a couple tries and grinned at the two grimy men in tough old clothes. “It’s not just because I’m set on a quest, you know. I’d do this for you anyway, just to clear the region of all its undue troubles and strife.” He shrugged. “That’s just the kinda guy I am. I care about all of you, filthy and wretched though you are.”

Filip raised his eyebrows at Luben, who rolled his eyes. “All the same, sir,” said Luben, “on behalf of my village, we’d kindly ask you to turn around and go questing somewhere worthier, if you could. Please don’t give our giantess a hard time, is all.” One hand slid down to the first nib. “Sir.”

Now the knight sat very high and still in his saddle. The horse, content to graze, stood unmoving. “I must still be a little hungover from last night’s revelry,” he said in a low voice. “I know you’re not defending some horrible monstrosity from your liege’s righteous judgment. And I know you’re not taking a tone with me.”

“She ain’t as bad as all that, sir,” said the stockier fellow. “She’s quite jolly, once you get to know her. An’ this mound of shit, an’ others like it, is the livelihood of our village.”

The knight sneered and said he was sure he didn’t understand this peasant’s muttering. Sighing, Filip pointed with his dull sword at a mound beside the trail, unnoticed up to this point as it was covered in shit. He knelt beside it and scooped out a lumpy pile which, after he rinsed it in spring water from a goatskin bag, turned out to be an impressive pile of gold and silver coins.

“Faith!” breathed the knight. “What else have you got in there?”

The answer to that was an assortment of armor and swords. “Most of it’s damaged, sir, by her molars, but it’s still usable material,” Luben explained.

The knight blinked at the trove. “Wait, you mean… this came out of there?” He pointed at the tremendous mound of shit. Luben nodded, then hefted his scythe and took another swing into the stinking, claylike matter. Its toe bit true, the chine sank in easily, and this time there was a dull *clank* from deep within the mass.

“Bingo,” said Luben. His sunny smile revealed two rows of complete and gleaming teeth. It was then the knight noticed these two had none of the running sores or gaunt desperation of other villagers. They seemed well-fed and hale, if anything, wanting for nothing but a good bath.

“I’ll, uh, appropriate these ill-gotten gains on behalf of my liege,” said the knight, drawing his sword once more. “After I dispatch this giantess of yours.”

“You’ll do neither, sir,” growled Luben, drawing back his scythe. Filip used his poking-sword’s one sharp patch to neatly slice the knight’s stirrup free of the saddle. Luben swung hard and the scythe raced wickedly through the air. The wise charger had never stopped grazing, so the tang of the scythe caught the knight in the throat. He toppled backward, striking the earth in a horrific clatter, and the white horse danced nimbly aside.

Filip leaped upon the knight’s chest, wedging the tip of his blade into the knight’s eye visor, as Luben retrieved his scythe. He slipped two curved fingers into his mouth and let out a sharp whistle, echoing across the landscape. There came a rumbling from behind a hillside, and then a tremendous pink and white arm flung itself over the ridge.

The knight strained to witness the arrival of the monster, while also evading a blunted, shit-covered sword in the eye. His sword had fallen from his grip, and the stockier man was much heavier than he looked, probably being composed more of muscle and less of fat.

A deep and keening voice, seemingly from great distance, came singing at them across the land. From behind the rocky ridge emerged a full mane of golden hair, falling about smooth, rounded shoulders in enormous ringlets. These framed the giantess’s smiling face: rosy cheekbones and plump, pink lips stretching in a rewarding grin slowly turned to the tiny trio parked by a lump of her feces.

“What in the world?” she gasped disingenuously. Merriment shone in her azure eyes as her gaze fell heavily upon the knight, heavier even than the little man perched on his chestplate. The tremendous woman grunted and sat up, revealing more, impossibly more all the time. Her chubby arms planted upon the ridge, stout fingers splayed cutely over the rocky  hillside, and her bare breasts heaved and rolled into view.

“Good lord,” gasped the knight.

Had she been smaller, the giantess’s bosom would nevertheless have resembled two prize-winning watermelons racing down a hill. At her titanic proportions, the knight feared the planets had fallen from the sky and somehow adhered to her chest. Pink nipples stood prominently and tore through the late-morning air with brutal force.

Luben whistled to himself, much quieter. “I will never, ever get tired of this.” His friend chuckled, then gave the knight a don’t-forget-about-me nick on his cheek.

The giantess rose, her massive belly shifting and heaving into the sky. The knight was beggared to imagine how a being so vast could have hidden behind a mere mountainscape. Her navel was deep and plunging, a cavern unto itself, and her belly rolled merrily over two gargantuan, plump thighs. These shifted and slid over each other with fearful majesty, before a plump and nearly spherical calf flung itself over the ridge, far below which was mounted an adorable—if titanic—pudgy foot with a row of darling piggies wiggling in the sunlight.

“This takes a while,” Filip murmured apologetically.

The knight nodded. “Totally reasonable.”

The earth began to thrum and rumble with each massive footfall. The three men could not help but marvel at the sheer power coursing through all those muscles, embedded within layers of tender flesh, as the giantess stood up nearly to the sky and hauled herself with paradoxical grace, to where they stood.

“Still working on my shit?” she called down sweetly.

“There’s quite a lot of it!” Luben called back, his voice bright and clear. “Our farmers wish us to express their endless thanks! And we’ve got a little something for you!” As an afterthought, he spun around and swatted the white steed on the flanks. “You deserve none of this, you marvelous beast,” he whispered, and the horse shot off like a crossbow bolt.

“You let him get away!” The sadness in her voice tugged at the hearts of the little men.

“That’s not the prize, lovely goddess,” said Luben, and Filip rolled off of the knight. “He is. He’s alive and everything, just like you like. We just have one favor to ask of you, if we might at all.”

“And what’s that?” The giantess’s huge toes rose and fell slowly. The knight was stunned to find his lower body responding readily to the sight of her bare foot, so huge and so near and so cutely playful.

“Can we strip him of his armor first? It’ll be ruined by the time it goes through you, but if we could resell it like this, it’d yield quite a lot, sweet goddess.”

Her laughter chimed and shook the trees for a mile around. “I can deny you nothing, you little charmers.”

“Wait, what?” The knight struggled to leap to his feet. Without wanting to dent the armor, now that they could keep it, Filip took pains to pummel the knight through the face of his helmet, then wrested it off his head. Luben clocked him soundly behind one ear with the tang of his scythe and the knight went limp. They made quick work of unbuckling and unstrapping all the components, setting the complete outfit beside the shit-covered loot of former adventurers’ belongings.

The giantess fell to her knees, setting off something like a small earthquake throughout the region. Her thighs and hips bulged with enticing fullness, weakening the knees of the two peasants who had witnessed her erotic grandeur many, many times but for whom the impact had in no way diminished. Her thick, pink tongue glistened in the sunlight as she licked her pillowy lips. Her breasts swung threateningly, fearsomely over the trio, and she reached out to pluck the tiny knight by one leg. It turned out he, too, had never missed a meal and was quite beefy of frame. The giantess sighed pleasantly and canted her head back, raising her tiny prize far, far overhead.

Luben and Filip sat on the ground, hypnotized. This moment always gave them to wonder what it would be like to romp and play in that steamy, writhing paradise of her mouth, if only there were a way to guarantee they, too, wouldn’t be churned and digested.

The knight was saying something, screaming it, but the peasants couldn’t make it out and the giantess didn’t care. She laughed at the knight, and he pissed himself to see her huge throat flexing and shuddering directly below him. “Ah! Ah!” she said, feinting to drop him, and oh, how his arms and free leg flailed and swung in the empty air. Her tremendous breasts shook joyfully with every gesture, and her hips throbbed in all succulence as she bounced in her seat.

“Goddamn, I’m hard,” Luben groused. Filip was already clutching the front of his trousers.

The giantess fluttered her eyelashes at the knight. She made kissy-faces at him, bringing him low enough to drape across her lips. She made surprised expressions, dangling him over her O-shaped lips, but ultimately she opened her jaws as far as they would go. She closed her eyes in delayed gratification and released the little man to drop spinning through the air and disappear behind her cheek. She swirled the little man around her mouth, teasing him with her tongue, stunning him by sucking on him and extracting all his air, then letting him inexorably slide down her throat. His tiny hands and feet found nothing to grab onto, and down he went over the mucous-lined tissues. The giantess’s eyes lit up with delight at the two peasants, and she focused on the little lump of man slithering down her neck and into her chest. He struggled still, all the way down, the thick little knight did.

“Fuck it,” whispered the giantess with no subtlety at all. One huge hand clapped to one planetary breast, and her other hand disappeared between her massive thighs. On cue, Luben and Filip turned modestly from each other but gaped, rapt and unblinking, at the mountain of overabundant sexuality taking care of herself.

When they all finished, the giantess panted and clawed out a section of forest to wipe herself down. The men only bore their stains, along with their workaday discoloration and soils, until their labor was done and they could rinse off in the stream. The giantess thanked her loyal little men, and they expressed undying love and admiration for the copious treasures she shed for their village’s benefit. Then she toddled off, in a chorus of thunder and tremors, and they continued slicing through her shit for buried treasure, as they would for many years to come, only occasionally harassed by uninformed knights.

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