I used to keep notebooks full of ideas about giantess stories, but that was back when I wrote smut.

Was that so very long ago? Not at all. I started out writing very crass and wholly sincere smut: I wrote a very earnest, exploratory story about a woman I found physically compelling, from the very lucky structure of her face to the momentarily perfect outline of her body. Beauty is fleeting, is what I’m getting across here, as well as a genetic coincidence with values at the time. I don’t know why that’s an important point to impress just now.

All my ensuing stories followed this theme. Plot was the obligatory foreplay to get the tiny man wedged into a butt, shoved up into a vagina, or popped into a mouth (not in that order). The stories, as I saw it, were all about making up names for a man and a woman, contriving a reason for them to be together—usually parallel to whatever I was doing at the time, like a workplace or college classes—and then all roads led to Rome: the story inevitably drew toward one or both of them achieving orgasm.

That was good enough for some people. Now I write stories that work as well in size-fetish context as they would in, say, speculative fiction. Relationships. Feelings. New workaday conflicts and obstacles based on physical impediments or social mores. Based on what we know about men’s relationships with women, whites’ relationships with blacks, and rich people’s relationships with the impoverished, how would society react toward a new, inherently vulnerable population? There is no answer to this that is so cynical it’s not also realistic and probable.

But in these notebooks, these oldest blank books that have been beaten up through intensive bookbag use and transport, I have my oldest stories as I struggled to come up with original plots. I knew sex was going to happen, and in a few cases the tiny man would die, but the rest of the time he’d become a treasured partner to the generous, libidinous, imaginative woman. Sometimes I wrote out full stories, other times I drew up simple outlines or merely a few lines depicting a scene. Maybe I’d seen a curvy woman struggling with getting something out of her car, and I pictured a tiny man trapped in her panties, under those straining jeans. How did he get there? Was he a prisoner or a partner? Ah, that was another story! But I’d just note a tiny guy in a fat ass and trust that I’d know what to do with that later. Often I didn’t, but whatever.

I also sketched. The drawing depicted here is of a Target worker (hence the red sweater) with a round, jolly bubble-butt that shuddered despite the stern constraint of her wool slacks. It would’ve been inappropriate to take a photo of her butt, but what on earth was to stop me from studying her motions and then running back to my cubicle to sketch her ass from memory? Or is that not much better? I’m sure she wouldn’t recognize herself and nor would anyone else. Probably. It was a pretty singular butt and maybe that would be the giveaway.

So here are a few of my oldest ideas I felt too valuable to lose, utterly of worth to pen and record for posterity.

  • Sequel to “Corduroy,” in which a pretentious young man is shrunken down and kidnapped by two women, one of whom is cruel and vengeful (he’s been staring at her ass and needs to be taught a lesson) and the other is gentle, immediately protective of his vulnerable state (but not above slipping him into her panties and letting him feel his way around). In this sequel the gentle woman has stolen him from the cruel one but, don’t know you, it ends with the cruel one stealing him right back. That was going to be the whole series, just a string of sexcapades as they kidnap/rescue him back and forth and gratify themselves at his expense, over and over. This seemed like a viable series to me.
  • One of many story ideas called “Office Party.” That’s the thing: I get stuck in an office with people for a long enough period of time, I’m bound to start making stories about them in my head. With the guys, I just guess at their past, what happened to make them who they are, when the world broke them, etc. With women, conversely, I envisioned the future: what would they do with a tiny little man? Where would they shove him? How often would they impose sex upon him? So yeah, there’s a holiday party at the office and the sum of my notes here just outline him being shrunken down and she strips down to her panties (somehow this is reasonable) and teases him with her ass, which is predictably round and full. Of note: I describe an “inguinal embrace” which is my way of saying she clamps her upper thighs around him.
  • seated readerThe original Prayer Lady, the notes for which spawned two separate vignettes (version one and version two) because I forgot I’d already written about it. This is nothing more than me on the bus admiring an overweight woman with dowdy yet flattering clothes straining over her voluptuous body. In each scenario I’m persuading her, as a tiny man, not just to overcome her conservative religious restrictions toward free love but to accept and enjoy a lover who stands as tall as one of her fingers.
  • Notes about a charter bus of teenage girls who get lunch at a truck stop. One of them discovers a miniature janitor in the bathroom while she’s using it. At first she’s scandalized, then her mind inevitably turns toward something naughtier (because the bulk of size porn is geared toward cishet males, and I fully bought into this a decade ago) and she uses him for sexual gratification, then invites some of her friends into the bathroom to do the same. Because that’s how that would go.
  • Notes about a businesswoman leaving the office and discovering a tiny janitor vacuuming the elevator. She pretends not to notice him but purposely puts her huge shoes in his way, then orders him to polish her toenails, then plucks him up with her toes and slips him inside her shoe. Of course no one would survive this but he does because I was a horny guy who wanted to see where this would go. Would a businesswoman be cool with kidnapping a fellow employee? Would no one notice this or think anything of it? This all seemed realistic to me.
  • More of the same: notes about a woman finishing her dinner at a restaurant and noticing a tiny little employee mopping up a huge table as best he can. Playfully she pretends not to notice him and keeps bumping her ass (again, a merry bubble-butt of pronounced size) to harass him as though unaware of what she’s doing. She rests it on the table, she blocks him, she knocks him over, she sits on him. If the manager’s aware of this, they’re totally cool with it, as are all the other employees and customers. Finally she brushes him off the table—with her ass—wrestles him with her toes for a bit then traps him in her flipflop and brings him home.
  • A young woman goes to a salon to get her Brazilian wax, but they’ve got a new treatment: a tiny little woman who crawls around and clips the hairs down to a very personal level. In the course of this, inevitably, the young woman gets aroused by this activity, which is immediately noticeable by the salon worker who, awkwardly, tries to joke about it to defuse the situation. Instead, the young woman just shoves the worker right up inside her vagina. An assistant in the salon sees this on the CCTV and comes out to rescue the worker, but events contrive to have her instead perform cunnilingus on the customer while the coworker struggles within her.

There’s a pattern here, of course. Aside from the physical impossibility of the basic context, many of these stories are divorced from reality in that they betray how very, very little I understood how people generally operated in society. Yes, it’s fantasy, it’s porn, it’s a genre of writing that permits unrealistic scenarios and improbable outcomes. Would a businesswoman really believe it’s okay to kidnap another human being simply because they’re tiny? Does every woman look at a tiny man and reflexively desire to use them to achieve orgasm? Some might, yes. Maybe 0.001% of the world population, I don’t know.

All these stories centered on all the planets being in alignment, all women bearing the same latent biological imperative, unrealized until they discover an actual tiny man. Is he objectively handsome? Is he friendly, or do they have natural chemistry? None of that mattered: my fantasy was that a woman could find a tiny man and be consumed by the need to force sex upon him. No, he was incidental: the primary drive was her own erotic fulfillment, and the tiny man was a handy physical vehicle to this end. She didn’t love him, she didn’t care what his name was: he was only a freely accessible tool for her purposes.

That was my fantasy, and if I’m completely honest, it’s still plenty charged for me. I would like to be that tiny man on the table, discovered by a young woman who is compelled to thrust her succulent round ass at me. That sounds awesome to me. If I wrote it out now, however, it would be less about the anonymous, brutal sex adventure and would incorporate more complex emotions. She would eventually feel guilty about exploiting a vulnerable adult this way. He would confront what it means to abandon everything he’s ever known or dreamed of, to live in the cleavage of her pert buttocks. The story would never, however, become so realistic as to factor her occasional farts or simply not wiping her anus properly, no risk of botulism. Nothing but sweet flesh, vague floral scents, auras of love and affection, comfortable thresholds of body temperature.

Fantasy excuses quite a lot, and while it may never be counted as high literature with a meaningful commentary upon the human condition, it still satisfies something in me.

2 thoughts on “Notes from the Underwear

  1. Honest smut is honest. Writers and readers have different needs at different times. Like many of us, however, you have devoted a large portion of your inner life to imagining encounters between differently-sized people, and it’s only logical that you want those encounters to cohere meaningfully. Like sex in real life, Sex of Unusual Size involves people in context. That context is going to spring from your own personal experience and imagination, and that’s what makes it meaningful to you and, if well-written, to your readers. That your original motivation for entering and creating this context was sexual desire is no less worthy than commenting on the human condition (which, I’ve heard, includes sexual desire).

    It’s perfectly fine to find your older work lacking. In fact, it’s the best of all possible signs. And yes, you will continue to elide parts of your experience when creating your fantasies, but so do creators of “high literature.” Meaning isn’t any less meaningful if you diddle yourself to it. More, possibly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Much of the time I wonder why I’ve devoted myself to it, creatively, intellectually, when it really can’t go anywhere. This has been a deep exercise in doing what one loves to do, for no reason other than one loves to do it. Which is another kind of diddling oneself, and therefore honest and meaningful in its own way.

      I’m trying to place less emphasis upon hating myself for who I used to be when I had less knowledge and less experience, and a little more emphasis on appreciating the trajectory of my work. Where I’m going is not a destination, but I like that the milestones behind me are clear and legible.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s