Craigslist: Fairview


Looking for Activity Partner

how’s everyone doing. i would like to meet new friends in the area. a little about me–that is a joke you won’t get it until we meet–i’m a foodie, i love foreign cinema, and i’m big into jeff beck and joe satriani. i have lived in fairview for three years but it’s hard to break the ice i guess you could say. most of the time i feel invisible but once i do get someone’s attention it’s like they can’t see past my differently abled aspect.

okay i might as well come out and say that i’m only 2″ tall, yes you read that right that’s not a crude sexual allusion. but i’m interested in other things than being short so please come armed with topics to discuss. i’m not great with jokes, they seem to go over my head–that is also a joke that you have to see to appreciate. so let’s hang out

Leash Laws

If you are the owner of a French bulldog and you notice he’s gone off his diet lately, maybe he’s eating less or maybe he doesn’t care for that bargain bin kibble you’re forcing on him. I will remind you to look up Fairview’s leash laws which clearly state “no unattended domesticated cats or dogs.” I saw your pooch digging up a warren of Tinies and I don’t believe in cruelty to animals but I couldn’t chase that beast off with a goddamn broomstick. Did you know that a warren of Tinies being eaten up by your ugly slobbering monster sounds like a rabbit being tortured? I can’t get that horrible sound out of my head. If I see your fucking hound around here again, sniffing around for more helpless little people, I swear I won’t be held responsible for what happens to it. Lock up your goddamn dog and buy him some Orijen or Nature’s Logic for God’s sake.


Reduced to $20/month!!! Men only

How would you like to live within walking distance of a grocery store, a library, two cafes, and some of the hottest bars in Uptown? That’s walking distance for me: I’ll happily carry you anywhere! On my shoulder, in my pocket, or ??? 😉 If your BATH (Basic Allowance for Tiny Housing) lets you allot $20 for rent, have I got the deal of the century for you! Central heat, plumbing, electricity, cable/Wi-Fi ALL INCLUDED! I’ve already converted one guest bedroom into a very popular, highly rated residential block for gentlemen of a certain stature! Turnover is very low, demand is high, so I’m thinking about expanding a special block of apartments… in my own bedroom! Huge square footage, so please don’t think you’re an inconvenience or a burden–far from it! I love you little guys!

See attached photos of sample facilities. The collective income I make from rent enables me to purchase increasingly competitive dollhouses and miniatures from eBay and specialty groups, so the property value is only going up, up, up–just like my tanned, athletic legs as I stand over you (Fridays and Saturdays: your safety is assured, waivers req. for release to YouTube/Clips4Sale)! If any of this sounds good to you, LET’S TALK!!!



Looking for part-time/full-time phone support for prominent local marketing agency. We do good work, supporting only local businesses and responsible nonprofits. Hoping for several very patient, friendly, upbeat Tiny employees to manage call center. Full facility, scaled down and absolutely accessible. Shared kitchen/break room, protective plexiglass corridors everywhere required by law. First and second shifts available.

Exclusive Access!!

Looking for adventurous Tinies for specialty electrical wiring retrofitting jobs, domestic and corporate. Must not be afraid of dark or have claustrophobia/vertigo/megalophobia. Cash only. Weekends and holidays.

For Sale

Full Bedroom/Living Room/Dining Room, like new

Genuine Utsukushi collection precisely at 1:36 scale.

Bed frame/headboard, dresser, writing desk and chair, 2 nightstands in rosewood.

Couch and loveseat in slate velour. Recliner in chocolate velour. Coffee table stained black.

Dining table in Canadian oak, six matching high back chairs. Dining ware hutch in oak.

Long story short: really had big plans for a relationship with a Tiny I ordered from overseas and it just did not work. Supreme act of will not to stomp all over the whole goddamn thing, little bastard included. Word to the wise. Asking $1,000 for high-quality work and complete, like-new set.

Photo by Will Francis on Unsplash

4 thoughts on “Craigslist: Fairview

    1. I definitely wanted to do much more, but I remember I was racing to knock these out (and have them look nice) while I was in a hurry for something else. Bad timing, but it worked out in my favor: I can revisit these as a kind of series, doing ongoing ads for all four size-fetish worlds in my canon.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.