Bottom of the Funnel, 01: Twitter 2017

May 26, 2017

My desk is a mess now. Look at this, pen parts everywhere. You’d think my tiny little fingers could break into a simple plastic ring.

The “segment” of the fountain pen comes up to my knees. There’s shreds of tissue all around, where I tried to mop away the crust of ink.

I can’t lift any part of this pen, it’s solid steel, but I can kick around the round bits. I do that now, booting them in frustration.

I asked the cute coworker to fill a small glass with white vinegar. She did, then she left for the day. I had to haul the nib in to soak.

I carefully tore the Kleenex into usable strips, and I had my sharpened paperclip on hand to pry into the mechanism, if necessary.

It was undesirable to haul myself over the lip of the cup, stand in inches of vinegar, and heave the nib upon my shoulders and then over.

At least it didn’t roll off the desk. That would’ve been the end, hopping down to my chair and the floor, with no way of carrying the nib up.

Now I can worry my fingers into the nib, into the intake, but I don’t think the blockage is there. I think there’s a crust under the nib.

I can’t pry it up to scrape it out or flush it. Wish the cute coworker wasn’t bailing early for a four-day weekend, but I don’t blame her.

Still working on it. Drawing up a list of fluids I’ll need the cute coworker to produce for me.

…I’m not even going to rephrase that.

June 5, 2017

Very late to work today. Ran for the bus stop, hopped aboard a woman’s shoe standing there, turned out she was waiting to cross the street!

And she walked briskly, so it would’ve been dangerous to ditch until she stopped again, which didn’t do until she boarded the light rail.

So there I was, clinging to her laces, racing out of the city. Had to gamble on another woman’s boot to return, added 90 minutes to my trip.

August 10, 2017

Cute coworker bought me a coffee this morning! Just to be kind! It had cooled off considerably by the time she dropped it off…

So it was quite comfortable for me to dip into and tread in place, while she laughed and sipped at me. This is going to be a great day.

September 11, 2017

Cute coworker complained of sensation of a mouse scurrying over her in the night. You bet I bit my goddamned tongue.

September 14, 2017

There’s always that moment when, working late in the office, the ventilation cuts and I feel like I’m getting away with something.

Then I hear someone walking around and I smile, hoping it’s the cute coworker or someone like that… because, you know, life imitates porn.

But then it’s the janitor, and I freak out and hide behind a coffee mug, doing that shuffling-around guesswork while they clean my office.

November 15, 2017

Been working in this office of Normies for nearly five years. Great place, good benefits, forward-thinking sizist inclusion policies. They won’t front for scale desks and furniture, but they do upgrade my smartphone interface often. Rappelling down this desk sucks, but still.

Most coworkers are great. The few that dislike me at least stay away. But the few that really, really like me visit me too often. The cute coworker’s like that, pressing her thighs against the edge of my desk, finding excuses to stroke my arm with her fingertip.

Mostly that’s cool except when nervousness builds up in her. Someone else walks by, she spins and sits on the desk, crushing me under her skirt, to pretend she’s just waiting for me. Or she claims someone walked by and talked with her a long while. Taking her at her word.

November 17, 2017

I wasn’t sure if the cute coworker was mad at me. I understand normal-sized people have a different experience with The Silent Treatment than I do. With me, she doesn’t talk, but she still plucks me up by my shirt, dangles me over her mouth, eyes unblinking. Just, silently.

There’s no point in saying “hey, are you mad at me, please say something” because she won’t answer, but also? You know how you hate the way your own voice sounds on a tape recorder or in video? I hate the way my own voice bounces around in her mouth and echoes down her throat.

She’s never bitten me. She has clamped her incisors just below my knees and scraped along my shins and pulled my shoes off, and she’s swallowed my shoes. And Tiny shoes are really expensive, she knows how much I hate that, but I still have to admire her amazing self-control.

November 21, 2017

Went to a sandwich shop today. Had my little LED blinker out, warning everyone else where I was in line, standing amid their shoes and boots. Mostly people are very respectful, taking care not to step on me, lifting me to the counter to order, things like that.

It happened there was a pretty lady behind me. She offered to raise me up to order my lunch, but instead kept me cupped in her palms while she stole my place in line. I yelled and flashed my light, so she hid me against her chest and cleared her throat a lot.

I worried she was going to throw me in the trash, but instead she took me to her table, apologized, and shared her lunch with me. She said she didn’t know how to meet a Tiny and was bad with small talk. It turned out she ordered well and we struck up an amicable acquaintance.

November 22, 2017

First one in the office again. Rode a student’s boot off the bus, crawled laboriously up the stairs, slipped under my door and kicked the power strip on. Most people are out for the holiday, so it’s going to be a nice, slow, quiet day today. I don’t mind that at all.

Cute coworker was 2nd in. Can’t help feeling a charge of tension when it’s just me and her, when someone else could show up at any moment. Not that she’s ever shown any interest in flirting or fooling around, when it’s just the two of us in here. Life’s not porn, after all.

Wish my supervisor would’ve taken the day off, though. Performance review in an hour. 45 minutes of closed-door chat, standing on her desk, encircled by her forearms. Listening to her talk seriously about work while slowly leaning closer until I’m nearly against her chest.

One-on-one wasn’t so bad after all. She had positive things to say, folding her hands like a wall behind me. Talked about improving procedure, brushing her mouth over my face and chest. Nudged me into her plunging neckline and looked at our calendars for another get-together.

November 30, 2017

Cute coworker took me to lunch, and I do mean “took”: just waltzed in, swiped me off my desk, and palmed me inside her jacket. I guess walking around with her hand in her jacket is less awkward than being seen toting me in the open? She let me weigh in on the restaurant, though.

The crappy places are close, the good places are too far to walk in this weather. I’d be comfortable, snugged against her chest, but she wouldn’t put up with a long hike. We hit the commissary and she ordered something I didn’t care for. Good thing my stomach fills quickly.

She’s a good sport, though. She found a corner booth for privacy, then rested her chin on the table and let me toss small bits of food into her waiting mouth. She also chews with her mouth open, in an attempt to repulse me, so it’s my secret that I find this hypnotizing.

December 4, 2017

“Light mist,” my microscopic derriere. It’s still a game of dodgeball to me, picking my way across porous and rocky sidewalk. One benefit to an overcast day is pedestrians tend to hang their heads, which means they spot me easier and are likelier to walk around me.

But yeah, it doesn’t matter what action figure’s jacket I select for the day: in a fog or light mist, I’m drenched within seconds. The water weight really builds up, to say nothing of how it bleeds my core temperature. Wish I could carpool (e.g., ride in someone’s coat pocket).

I was looking forward to warming up with the cute coworker. She brings in scented coffee and lets me warm up in her lap while we check email and decompress from the weekend. It’s a great way to greet an otherwise wretched Monday. But guess who called in sick, today of all days.

December 8, 2017

Cute coworker (CC or “Ceci” for short, no pun intended) has been out most of the week, turned up today. Heavily in demand by rest of department, day full of meetings. All I could do was watch her dash back and forth past my office, harried by people, arms full of papers.

Not much I can do in a situation like that except give her a break. She glances in, I smile, and that’s it. I missed her all week long, but she doesn’t owe me anything. I’d like to express her some sympathy but she has enough people bothering her. I give her a break.

Right up until the end of the day, as she rushes into my office and slams the door, throws herself into a chair, grabs me and rests me on her chest. Talks nonstop for 30 minutes about her absence, others’ demands, work buildup, &c.

She needs someone to listen. Glad she chose me.

December 29, 2017

Ceci stopped by this afternoon. I worked my ass off the past two days to clear this day for writing, but I made time for her. She didn’t sit on my desk or on my chair (and me). She just pulled up another chair and talked to me like a normal-sized person.

She asked me what I was working on, but it’s my weird-ass size fantasy, so she could only listen politely. Ceci likes to tease me but she’s really not into it. But she told me about her life, her problems, things keeping her up at night. I was happy to share that with her.

She didn’t stick me in her clothing, she didn’t loom over me and cackle. She just sat with her hands in her lap, looking very small, making me feel big.

When she was done, we fell silent and grinned at each other. Then we wished each other a happy new year and went home.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.