Please watch The Twilight Zone, season 1, episode 28: “A Nice Place to Visit,” now streaming on Hulu.

Rocky kicked an ottoman out of his way. Its gilt curlicues flashed in the suite’s lighting until it rested harmlessly against an overstuffed Edwardian armchair covered in throw pillows. “Look, I’ve been in this dump for a month, and I can’t stand it anymore!” he barked, hurling a pillow across the room.

“But I don’t understand.” Pip, the man who seemed to be in control, appeared lost.

The petty thief wheeled upon the gentleman. “Awright, I’ll spell it out for ya, Fats. I’m bored, bored! I mean, there’s no excitement around here! No kicks!” He paced before the billiard table like a trapped rodent.

Pip spread his hands. “Yeah, but the gambling? I thought you enjoyed that.”

Rocky sputtered. “I do! Bu-bu-but when you win every time, that ain’t gamblin’. That’s charity!”

“Well, I could arrange for you to lose on occasion. Would that help?”

“It might.” Rocky bit his lip and considered, then screwed up his face. “No, no, it’s no good. It ain’t the same! I would know, it…” He flapped his arms and looked away, disgusted.

Pip chuckled and waddled closer to the thief. “Perhaps, ah, you miss your old vocation. Is that it?”

Rocky rolled that over in his mind, then thrust his finger at Pip’s chest. “Now yer gettin’ it!”

“Well, there’s a nice bank at the corner that you could rob. Or would you prefer a jewelry store?”

Rocky’s eyes glittered. “Naw, naw. A bank’s okay!”

“Fine, fine!” Pip withdrew the black leather notebook from his breast pocket once more. “Now, as to the getaway car, we have quite a large variety to choose from. Something inconspicuous, I imagine?”

Rocky crouched, his body tense. He raised his hands as if pleading to Pip. “Wait a minute. Is there a… chance… that I could get caught?”

Pip chortled. “Well, of course, if that’s what you’d like. Let me just make a note of that.”

Rocky exploded in an exasperated sigh. He collapsed upon the steps of the dais and tugged at the other man’s white pants. “C’mon. Siddown, Fats, siddown.” He rubbed his hands as the portly gentleman took his time getting comfortable beside him. Rocky leaned into his face, hands curled like claws. “I don’t know how to explain this, but it just ain’t the same thing. I mean, what’s the kick knockin’ off a bank if everybody knows about it? Huh? An-an-and the dames!” He got up and gestured at the burlesque portraits on the walls. “I never thought I would get bored with beautiful dames, but…” He clapped his forehead, seething, then raced back to Pip’s side. “Look. I wouldn’t expect an angel to understand this, see, but bein’ a big guy with a chick, it don’t mean anything if it’s all set up in advance.” He ran a strained hand through his hair. “Everything is great, you see, really, really great! It’s just the way I always imagined it, except that…” He clasped his hands and looked into Pip’s eyes, dropping his voice. “Just between you and me, Fats, I don’t think I belong here. I don’t think I fit in.”

“Oh, nonsense. Of course you do.” Pip smarmed at him knowingly and tucked his notebook away.

The petty thief wrung his hands. “I mean it, I mean it. It’s just, somebody musta goofed! If I gotta stay here another day, I’m gonna go nuts!” He was panting now, eyes wild, jaw thrust at the dapper, genteel man in white. “I don’t belong in Heaven, see?” Abruptly he sprang from the steps and made for the door.

Pip chortled as he rose to his feet, his smile widening. His moment had come, what all these past weeks had been leading to. “Heaven?” he pronounced slowly. “Whatever gave you the idea—”

Rocky froze, his hand upon the polished gold doorknob. “Wait a second, Fatso, wait a second.” Slowly he turned to the gentleman in white. “You remember that night at the casino, a coupla weeks ago? The first night, I walked out with my winnin’s and three classy dames draped all over me like Christmas ornaments. You remember?”

“Well, I should say I do. It was I who summoned your convertible, the pink Cadillac.”

Rocky waved the words away like cigarette smoke. “What I’m gettin’ at, though, that copper, that screw. He came struttin’ by all high and mighty, right, and I said somethin’ like he wouldn’t be so tough if he didn’t have a couple inches on me. So you…” He flapped his hand downward. “You brought him down to size, I gave him the what-for, and we all had a good laugh about it. You remember?”

“Vividly. But what you need to understand, Mr. Valentine—” Pip raised his hands as though trying to ward off a storm.

“Well, couldn’t you, you know…” Rocky flapped his hand upward. “The other way?”

The older gentleman blinked rapidly. “I suppose, certainly,” he said slowly, “but I don’t see what you would want with a police officer so much taller than yourself.”

Rocky clapped his hands and laughed. “That’s the problem with ya, Fatso. You ain’t got no imagination.” He threw the French doors open wide. “C’mon back in, ladies!” As though they’d been waiting outside after being booted so brusquely earlier, the tall beauties strode into the suite in their elegant, slinky evening gowns. The redhead looked around the apartment as though she’d never seen it before; the blonde giggled self-effacingly and slipped to the side, preferring to watch things unfold. The brunette woman strode directly up to Rocky, who patted her cheek and gave her a winning grin. “Oh yeah. Can’t believe I didn’t think of this a month ago.”

Pip gaped at the intrusion, baffled. “What is the meaning of this? I don’t understand.”

“I’ve done all sorts of things with these chicks. Made love to ’em all sorts of ways, dozens of times a night.” Rocky smoothed out his hair and snapped his collar. “Then we tried other things, y’know? Syrup, whipped cream. Exotic foods. Tied each other down, whips and candles. When that got old—what’s that look for, Fatso? Never heard of this before?—we started sitting on each other. I’m on my back, one dame on my face, another workin’ me downstairs, and I just told the redhead to get creative.” He grinned wolfishly at the redhead, who looked pretty pleased with herself. “We tried all sorts of things, I tell ya. Three dames, five, ten. Men too, all types. Hell, anyone who wanted in! Made love in the pool. Asked you to turn off gravity for a couple hours, like we’s in outer space. Choking, suffocation: some dame buried my face in her big rump and bore down on me until I died”—he grinned at the memory—“a few times. And then we got kinda dark. Hunting each other down, drugs, goin’ at it right in the middle of traffic, just looking for the next kick. But the thing is with chasing down those kicks…” Rocky paused, glancing at each of the women. “They get harder to find. Even the dangerous stuff starts to get old. How crazy is that to say? You gotta think wilder. You gotta think bigger.”

The petty thief dug his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He was positively beaming, and he slowly licked his teeth at the spiritual guide in the white suit. “This is what’s gonna happen, Pip. Yer gonna escort these dames outside, because I don’t want them wreckin’ my swank pad, see? Take ’em out to street level, and don’t screw this up. Pull out yer little notebook if you gotta.” He pointed at Pip’s interior breast pocket.

“Mr. Valentine, I think you’re missing a very important point here. As I was about to say—”

Rocky flung up his palm to block the train of Pip’s thoughts. “The redhead, you’re gonna make around twenty-five feet tall, got it? She got some nice gams on her, and I just wanna hug her calves. So she’s big, but she ain’t too big.” He laughed at Pip’s shocked expression. “What’s the matter, Pip? Ol’ Rocky finally pressed the limits of your abilities? You can produce a drawer full of a million bucks, but a tall redhead’s askin’ too much?”

Pip coughed at the affront. “No, certainly not. I’m simply surprised at… well, there’s nothing in your records about preferring tall women.”

“Then I guess I’m a bundle of surprises for ya, eh, Mr. Know-It-All? Now, that blonde.” Rocky crooked his finger at her, and she came over to him with doe eyes and a shy grin. “This one? You’re gonna make her fifty feet tall. And, uh…” He ran his eyes up and down the length of the model-quality woman, biting his lower lip. “A little more up top. You get me? A little more of…” He pantomimed straining to hold two large melons around chest height. The blonde looked at the other women and giggled without a clear reaction one way or the other; the other women giggled back, just as emptily.

“Mr. Valentine! This is quite improper.”

“None-a that outta ya, Fatso. You been beatin’ me over the head with this ‘world of my own design’ nonsense for weeks. Now yer gonna bust my chops for explorin’ it?” Rocky laughed and snapped his suspenders. “Nothin’ doin’, old man. You should be excited to serve the first interestin’ guy in three centuries! Now, this one.” He waggled his eyebrows at the brunette woman, cupping her jaw in his palms. She purred and arched a fine eyebrow in response. “Nothin’ less than a hundred feet tall, got it? A little more in the chest, a lot more in the rear, and all of them are gonna lose their clothes.”

Pip staggered back until his heel kicked the dais, whereupon he collapsed in shock. “This isn’t a pleasure den, Mr. Valentine! Like I was about to explain, you labor under the delusion that this is Heaven, but in fact—”

“They all lose their clothes!” Rocky began a slow samba as he drifted from woman to woman. “An’ it don’t mean nothin’ because you said they were just props. Ain’t that what you said?”

“In a manner of speaking, but—”

“And the redhead, she’s greedy for me, got it? She’s gonna hunt me down throughout the city…” Rocky curled a finger around his chin and squinted at the ceiling. “But with only a thirty-percent success rate. That sounds good. And when she finds me, she cuddles me hard. Covers me with kisses, laps me up just all over. And we go like that until she passes out in, say, twenty minutes, and then she goes to sleep and wakes up in some other part of the city.” The petty thief strode over to the broad windows overlooking the city. “There should be traffic. Busy traffic, not quite rush hour but close. Lots of cars for her to dance around or, hey, throw out of her way.” He guffawed at the thought; the redhead laughed without matching his mirth.

He slipped behind the blonde and wrapped his arms around her, sliding his hands down over her hips. She blushed and nuzzled against his head. “And this sweetie, she loves attention to her bazooms, got it?”

“Mr. Valentine!” Pip’s complexion reddened. He pawed at his pocket square, mopped sweat off his brow.

“She wants to hug me between ‘em, she wants to smother me in ‘em. Pin me against a building with one of these cannons, or just kneel over me and flatten me to the ground. She loves it, drives her crazy, and the more I struggle the crazier she gets.” Rocky kissed her cheek and she turned to look at him. “And oral.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, this one likes to catch me up in her mitts and suck me off.”

“I never!”

“Doesn’t let me go, neither. She mashes me against her face and her lips suck me off like her life depends on it.” Rocky slipped his tongue inside her ear; he was surprised that instead of earwax, it tasted like cherry cordial. “This gets her off, too. The closer I get to my cookie, the closer she gets, so she’s wailing and gasping and panting all over me and suckin’ me off like she’s dying of thirst. Better make her lips a little bigger, too. Longer tongue, too. Yeah, that sounds good.” He threaded his fingers through the hair on the back of her head, gripped it with a fist, and yanked her head back to gnaw on her neck for a moment. The blonde woman only gasped in delight and squirmed deliciously within his grasp.

“My word,” stuttered Pip. “I’ve never heard of… I can’t believe…” He clutched his heart as the supernatural forces that welled within him prepared to respond to Rocky’s abstruse demands. “I can’t… I’m finding it difficult to breathe…”

Rocky grinned at him, eyes glittering. “You just lie down and rest there, Fatso. Don’t want you keelin’ over when I’m on the way to getting everything I never knew I wanted. Lastly, we got the brunette here.” He released the blonde and stalked up to the third woman, who raised her chin defiantly, smirking. “This one, she’s just gotta have it. A hundred feet tall, she can stick me anywhere,” he said, leering at the elderly gentleman gulping for air on the dais, “and believe you me, she does. She’s gonna wrestle me with her toes, right in the street. If I’m hiding in an apartment, she just punches right through the wall and grabs me.” Slowly Rocky sank to his knees before the brunette, who continued to regard him down the length of her nose. “She sucks me off, but she puts all of me inside her mouth. Let’s say there’s a ten percent chance she just swallows me, got it? The rest of the time, she wrestles me with her tongue, I can make love to her tongue, whatever I can think up. Man, this is good!” He dug his fingertips into the woman’s supple thighs; she snorted derisively, already getting into her role.

“This is impossible… no one has ever…” Pip’s eyes rolled back in their sockets. One hand flopped across his chest, the other arm stretched out and banged against the leg of the billiards table. “For the love of all that’s decent…”

Rocky gave him a sidelong glance. “Ah, but wasn’t you about to explain this ain’t Heaven? Wasn’t that your big surprise for the end, Fatso? I think anything goes, in this joint. And when I get tired of this, I’ll think of something worse, something really cuckoo, and you gotta cough it up. Ain’t that the way it is?” He turned back to the woman, burying his face in the sequins over her belly. “That’s what you said! This is a little world all to myself, and only you and I exist in it. Everything else is just props for whatever play I wanna stage. That sounded like a pretty raw deal to start with, but now I’m startin’ to see the potential. If aitch-ee-double-hockey-sticks is just me runnin’ around in circles, then I’m guess I’m gonna see how innerestin’ I can make the curves.”

Pip’s head weaved upon his shoulders as he struggled to rise upon one elbow. “But this isn’t a reward… the point was to give you everything you thought you wanted… and then you would see the futility…”

“And she sticks me up her butt, really jams me up there.”

Pip gave a moan and collapsed upon the steps.

SEVERAL YEARS LATER

Five men in suits stood upon the roof of a skyscraper, toasting each other with perfect martinis. The sun was beginning to set, casting the sky in striations of orange, salmon, and azure. A warm wind ruffled their haircuts; far below, police sirens pealed then cut short as cruisers drove into each other or were crushed beneath huge, bare feet. As the men regarded the sunset, colossal nude women roamed the avenues like sharks, dreamily gliding between the buildings with the ponderous grace of cumulonimbus clouds.

One of these giantesses glanced up from her demolition of the self-healing street and spotted the gentlemen on the roof. Two enormous, streaming blonde ponyfalls swung heavily through the evening air. Plump, berry-red lips strained in an impossible grin, and she made her way toward their skyscraper. Ambient light colored her enormous boobs in healthy peach, with bestial nipples protruding with a mix of arousal and aggression. One block away from the men, she swung her pendulous mammaries in a tremendous arc to plow through the side of a smaller building before her. Seemingly without resistance, her ridiculously perfect orbs shattered hundreds of panes of glass into glittering dust, wrenched hundreds of tons of steel into so much discarded tissue. She didn’t even seem to notice the appalling destruction as she neared the skyscraper.

“Well, my close and personal friends,” said Rocky, addressing the others, “it has come time to close another perfect day. Thank you four for joining me on our largely successful heist of Sotheby’s. I’d ask you to sign up for Fort Knox next weekend, but I’m afraid this is the end of the line for you.” He raised his glass and the men raised theirs; he stepped before the ledge of the building and the four men lined up on it.

Rocky knocked back his drink and flagged the attention of the gigantic anime chick. “Come right up, sweetie! Just be careful with those stupendous knockers of yours, right? I’m standin’ up here.” The men laughed politely and looked down as the blonde giantess cupped her own breasts and grinned back at the assembled group.

“Dinner time, sweetie,” Rocky hollered down at her. “I think you know what to do.” He glanced at the men and laughed at himself. “What’m I saying? Of course she does. I designed everything!” The men laughed and toasted him once more as he stepped behind them. One floor below them, the blonde giantess opened her goofy grin into a perilously wide chasm. Her tongue unfurled and glistened in the sunset, and the curtains of her throat’s entrance twitched in anticipation.

“Thank you, sir!” Rocky planted his hand between the first man’s shoulder blade and heaved; wordlessly, the body flipped end over end to tumble upon the broad mattress of her tongue. He stuck there for a moment, smiling and waving at his comrades, and then she drew her tongue within. Plump lips pinched, huge doe-eyes squinted in an exaggeration of effort, and when she opened her jaws and presented her tongue, the moist, pink cavern was of course completely empty.

“And thank you, sir! But, uh, this time, d’you think you could act a little scared?” Rocky gave the man a savage kick to the buttocks. The man’s arms pinwheeled in the air as he arced directly into the waiting maw. He let out a shrill shriek of real terror, piercing the high winds around the skyscraper’s roof, then echoing down the young, gigantic woman’s throat.

Rocky hooted and pumped his fists. “Bull’s-eye! Get a load of that!” The two remaining men got a load of that. Rocky kicked out the knees of one; he toppled and fell short, but the anime giantess rammed her tongue into the upper floor of the building in time to catch him. He struggled on the platform of her tongue, his clothes instantly damp and sticky, and he looked up at his company on the roof, confused, until the giantess drew him within and sucked him down.

Climbing upon the ledge, Rocky wrapped his arms around the shoulders of the last man. “Now, how about you try and talk me outta this, awright? Maybe put up a little fight.”

“You don’t have to do this,” said the man.

“That’s good. But yeah, I gotta. You know how this ends.”

The man sidled away on the ledge. Winds whipped his blazer around his waist. “You really don’t. Just let me leave, you’ll never see me again.” He took one step backward off the ledge, his expensive Italian loafers crunching the gravel on the roof.

Rocky laughed, straightened his face. He seized the man’s lapels and jerked him slightly off balance. “You see that chick down there? She’s hungry, and I ain’t one to deny her needs. Now, we can do this the quick an’ easy way, or—”

“Nuts to you!” The man lashed out and clapped Rocky on the ear. Rocky released him and staggered to the side in surprise.

“That’s good. Never seen that before.” Rocky held his head as he grinned at the man. His own shoes crunched as he slowly circled his companion. With a bark of effort, he spread his arms and charged at the last man, catching him around the waist and sending them both hurtling over the edge into the young woman’s mouth.

Papillae mashed against Rocky’s face, stealing his breath for a second. The man fought him still, struggling on the red, moist, living cushion. The man rolled Rocky to his back, pinned Rocky’s hips with his knees, and wrapped one steely hand around Rocky’s throat. Immediately he began pummeling the petty thief, striking unerringly at his face with a solid connection each time. Rocky watched the light dim as the giant young woman closed her lips behind them.

“Mental note: don’t make these guys fight so good,” muttered Rocky, smiling through his stinging face. He jabbed the man a couple times in the side, then brought up his knees and chucked him overhead into the flexing, gasping throat. The man’s voice shrieked for a long time in her esophagus, longer than Rocky would’ve guessed. He stretched out, panting, sucking down the giantess’s own candy-sweet and sauna-humid breath. “That’s perfect, sweetie,” he said, his voice bouncing against her teeth. “Down I go.”

Ecstatic to oblige, the young woman stiffened her massive tongue to press him against the roof of her mouth, flooded him with a deluge of sticky-sweet saliva, then sucked him down her throat in a second. The rings of her esophagus almost massaged him as he tumbled through her neck and into her chest, in perfect darkness. When he felt the splash, he held his breath for a couple seconds before expelling all the air from his lungs and inhaling as much fluid as his body would permit.

In almost no time at all Rocky woke up in the lavish suite once more, bedecked in satin sleepwear and stretched diagonally across a king-size bed. He grinned at the ceiling for a moment, then rolled off the mattress and walked across the apartment to the broad floor-to-ceiling windows. They were immense and perfect, showing no trace of where the brunette’s tremendous fingers had dug out the entire living room, or where he’d thrown himself through them on the 54th floor, in a moment of boredom. They were clean and perfect and new, and the sunset showed a slight reflection of his glossy pajamas. “Come on, ladies,” he said quietly, for it didn’t matter how he spoke. “Bring me Pip.”

Slow thunder boomed louder and louder across the city, rattling even these perfect windows as it approached. Suddenly one truly vast and powerful thigh wrapped in dark skin sailed past the window, planting with a final explosion fifty-four floors down; another thigh drifted to join it, parting as though to provide Rocky an uninterrupted view of the sunset. They spread, and they tensed, and the largest giantess in the city (so far) lowered her hips until the forest of her pubes occluded the upper half of the windows. A ruthlessly clean silver ring pierced a huge clitoral hood, followed by link after link that led to a filigree cage in the shape of a sphere, large enough to contain, say, a normal-sized human being.

Curled up in the bottom of the silver sphere was a haggard old man in a white suit. His eyes were rheumy and unfocused, and his breathing came in ragged gasps. “Please,” Pip whimpered, “no more… I can’t…” His fingers fumbled numbly at the exquisite bars.

“Oh, Fatso…” Rocky began, interrupting himself with harsh laughter. “Guess I can’t call you that anymore, huh? You ain’t lookin’ like your old self, pal. You remember that, when you found me? You, all spiffed up in your nice suit, and I’m lyin’ there fulla holes, bleeding out into the trash. It’s like our fortune’s taken quite the reversal.” He clapped his hands and rubbed them together, pacing thoughtfully before the window. Outside, Pip rocked in the breeze of high-altitude winds, swaying between the inner thighs of the largest giantess this city had ever seen (so far).

“So, after everything I’ve asked of you, over all these fantastic, delirious years, there’s one thing you gotta ask yourself, Pip.” Rocky stepped up to the window and rested his palm upon the pane. A few feet away, coarse hairs scraped over the frame of the building as the giantess turned her pussy closer to the apartment.

Outside his front door, the elevator bay dinged and activity erupted in the foyer: the amorous, 25-foot-tall redhead located her prey and began pounding at the French doors. “You gotta ask yourself: whose Hell is this?” He laughed throatily, spreading his arms and stepping back from the window. The titanic redhead burst into the room in a shower of splintered wood. “Because I’m having the time of my life!” He never stopped laughing as the titaness wrapped her arms around him and carried him jealously to the boudoir.

Outside, the giantess slowly rose and strode away, heedless of what buildings fell—only to rise again, hours later—beneath her powerful feet, and the exhausted spiritual guardian in the filigree cage disappeared between her imperious thighs.

---

Image property of The Twilight Zone. Intro script property of The Twilight Zone. This fictional work is permissible by fair use: parody. No contest to copyright is intended.