Aborigen

Mercury wasn’t even in retrograde, yet so many things fell apart, so many obstacles raised to block our path. Perhaps this was yet another lesson that it isn’t the trappings and special effects that make a great SizeCon: it’s the fact that we’re there.

…Whoof, I just wrote out two paragraphs of all the things that went wrong on my travel to NJ and such, but that’s not what you’re here for, is it? Let’s get to the meat of the issue.

I mean, the stuff that went wrong really is comical but… later.

I showed up at the Holiday Inn Piscataway-Somerset just after midnight on Thursday. Rob Classact spotted me immediately and greeted the travel dust off me. The vendor room was closed so I texted Taedis for the other room key and unpacked as we caught up.

Friday, June 2

For no reason I can determine, I woke up early (which is even earlier, and less explicable, in my own time zone) and got breakfast with Taedis, the famous artist Capp (see his interview with SolomonG and a collection of his work), and the writer LoSweet. After a nice chat and refreshing victuals, I set up in the vendor room and was blown away by Matthew J. Huntley’s professional setup, right next to my table. This is a man who deals in oil paintings; this is a man who presents at Gen Con and Comicon, with his steel trifold panel display and edge-lit shelving for prints. Me, I was proud merely to have more than one book set upright on my table, but we really shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. (Still… damn.)

Matthew was friendly and energetic and positive throughout the weekend. I think he got a special charge not only from people being excited to see his stunning giantess portraits but from how impressed they were by his next-tier craftsmanship. He was kind enough to invite me to playtest his boardgame in development, an extension of his Vigilant Lioness series. If you don’t know his work, he’s doing world-building in a setting where gigantic, athletic women protect their city from kaiju. I chose a support role, so my giantess scored points by restoring damaged buildings and combo-attacks with Matthew’s backstabber role. LoSweet chose a giantess who specializes in swift but low-damage attacks, and we three chased Frog-Gore all over the city as she laid her eggs in ruined buildings. It was mind-blowing and tremendous fun, and I look forward to its completion very much.

The layout of the vendors area was such that we artists and writers were arranged into a large square on one end of the room, with pole dancers on my right facing the more open half of the venue: M31 whipping out digital dreams with a green screen, a block of miniature skyscrapers, and a table heavily laden with enormous silicone boobs (no, enormous) and a veined penis almost as tall as some of the attendees. Across from me were Braxia, constantly working on his art; my friend Bust Artist, hawking his prints; and self-described femboy, Kat, who also proffered artwork. The thing about Kat, though, is they changed into several eye-catching and stylish outfits throughout the weekend. One day I’m sitting across from Chun-Li; another, the Japanese ideal of a French maid. It was dazzling to watch, and after seeing this and some of the other costumes attendees assembled, I have to think about upping my game in this regard.

People stopped by my booth to say hello and reconnect, a few people introduced themselves, and it was a slow but happy Friday evening before I closed up at 8:30pm. I hit the back patio with Bust Artist and Juliekat, Max Growth Prod., BaronGwyn, and several others, to talk about good TV series and terrible movies until bedtime.

Saturday, June 3

Grabbed breakfast with Rob Classact, ButterRiceBooty, and Bust Artist. The cook was whipping out great omelets, so there was no chance of me going hungry this weekend, at least.

SizeCon is a haven for all sorts of people, all in the soup, so the onus is on me to not take it personally as dozens of people skulk past my table, averting their eyes, unable to say or return a hello. It’s not a personal attack (not usually) but I come from a different time. It hurts me to not have that social agreement anymore, and if it happens too much I turn very dark and bleak. It’s easy for me to believe the rest of the weekend will be like this and never improve.

Things usually do improve, though. I got lunch with friends, fried chicken and clam chowder. Grateful that didn’t kill me.

Oh! This is important! I caught a chest cold a week before SizeCon, and though I consumed all sorts of peppers and garlic and honey and vitamin C and zinc, I could only alleviate most of my symptoms before I flew out. What I couldn’t correct was my raspy, torn-up throat, so that was how I greeted people! I had to deliver my elevator speech sounding like Tom Waits had been stabbed in the throat. Matthew kindly retrieved some cough drops for me, but they were menthol and my mask (we all had to mask up this weekend) blew the fumes directly into my eyes, so I couldn’t use them.

So, yes. People were shy and withdrawn, and I sounded like I’d been gargling with creosote. A recipe for success.

I did have a very pleasant talk with LillHappyCloud, who had lived in Dublin and was drawing beautiful demihuman, not-quite-Furry sex scenes. She’s a colorist for Marvel Comics, in fact. We talked about travel and employment and all sorts of stuff. You can meet the most interesting people at SizeCon… And someone named Link stopped by my booth. When I showed off my zine, they showed off theirs, though they only had one copy of it. Beautiful M/m artwork full of gay Tinies and cuddling. There was a two-page spread in the middle for commentary, so I wrote a nice review.

Chibiana and Moolencia were at the table adjacent to mine, and it was a slow afternoon so I requested a pole dance. Chibiana found Toxic Avenger’s “My Only Chance” on Spotify and Moolencia took the stage, none of us realizing this song is over six minutes long and highly repetitive. Regardless, Moolencia was very talented and creative in her improvised performance. “How comfortable are you with contact?” Chibiana asked, and I suggested that my wife trusts me while I’m here, so that was cool and respectful.

I scored some interviews with creators this weekend. I’d interviewed Capp for ten minutes, talking about his craft and what the industry looked like, and this afternoon I got to talk with AstroDomina, a gorgeous and powerful dominatrix who has been filming Size footage for many years. These are both people I look up to as powerhouses of creativity and enjoying a legacy, so let me just comment that I was deeply flattered and honored that Capp and AstroDomina both said they knew of my work and liked it.

Yeah, I think three significant milestones in being a Size creator are: 1) making it out to SizeCon in person, 2) the first time someone tells you they’re your fan, and 3) the first time one of your heroes says they know who you are. I guess the fourth would be being able to justify a display like Matthew Huntley’s.

People kept asking me what panels and socials I’d been to on Friday, and the fact was that I hadn’t been to any. I was just sitting at my booth, waiting for buyers for my new literature. I brought Short Shrift, which was the book that didn’t make it to SizeCon 2020; As for Ginny, which had been an Amazon-exclusive title until I quit them; and We Come from Somewhere This Was Real, 2nd ed., which means I cleaned up a ton of errors and laid it out to look more professional. I’ll have to upload this version to Smashwords, to be fair to past buyers.

But I did look for some panels to attend. I went to the Giantess panel, which turned out to have to do with RPing. I know a couple actual giantesses, so I thought it would have to do with their experiences, coping with the world and society, but it was still interesting to hear the other end of the RPing stick. It’s just that the moderator let someone in the audience hijack the panel and launch deep into video game mechanics, which no one was there to hear about. It was Raquel Roper who deftly redirected the derailment to its tracks and rescued the discussion.

SizePlay Productions and Natalia Zamora stopped by my booth and lifted my spirits with pleasant chatter. I realized that he was one of four people who’d ordered a copy of Short Shrift at the last SizeCon and I mailed it out to him as soon as I got home. He reminded me that he’d been a fan of my story “Blood Magic,” and I’d sent him an autographed copy of that as well. I love it when someone can pick out one favorite story that spoke to them, it’s so interesting.

I’d been invited to sit on the Writers Panel, which meant I was sitting with some of my favorite people. Everyone’s great there, I love the attendees and the fans and the artists and models and producers, but my first SizeCon was framed by bonding with the Size writers, and that will always be a touchstone for me. There was a great audience for us with some good questions about craft. It was interesting to me to listen to how the panelists’ answers have changed over the years with their experiences. My lovely friend Miss Kaneda is in a very different place now than when I first met her. Taedis has had a distinctive journey over the years. For a while, for me, the awareness of coaching new writers was subsumed by witnessing the evolution of these people I know, these real relationships I’ve formed, watching their own stories unfold and evolve. I couldn’t even think about my own path: I was so engrossed with what they’d gone through and who they’d become.

A couple people in the audience found me afterward and thanked me for my advice. I’m always honored when I have something useful to say to someone. There’s nothing I’d love more than to encourage the next generation of Size writers.

Once again, I just went to bed, listened to podcasts until I passed out. Talked to my wife on the phone, which was nice. I thanked her and thanked her for her support in getting me out to another SizeCon. She’s a beautiful woman and a magnificent person, and I’m lucky to have her. I do what I can to encourage her to feel the same.

Sunday, June 4

Today I finally slept in and almost missed breakfast, but got my omelet and fine selection of melon varietals. After setting up my booth, the first order of business was sitting in on the Silver Size Social. I technically qualify, in the same way I’m eligible to receive AARP junk mail. I don’t enjoy the relentless march of time, but I deeply relish listening to the heavyweights of the Size community kick back and share their stories.

In fact, the first thing I did was share Larry Philby’s experiences. He told a couple stories at the Silver Size Social in 2020, so I made sure to share them this round. There were only four of us back then, now we were seven: LoSweet, PNGWill, WaistHi, Max Growth Prod., Janice, Capp, and yours truly. If you were to peek your head through the door, you’d notice a bunch of older white men. Not a ton of diversity in this social, and I wondered whether there were any women Size fans who were age peers, or any POC writers who should be contacted and encouraged to share their experiences, should they so choose.

Over lunch I joked around with friends, with company as nourishing as the veggies I assiduously served myself each meal. I made a point of reassuring my wife I was eating vegetables and taking the stairs, hydrating up to questionable levels, taking care of myself while away.

Sunday afternoon was the cool-down portion, as some people packed up and left early, and others granted substantial discounts on their merchandise. I myself made the rounds and picked up some more goods, had some more conversations. After two rounds of praising Hollewdz’s distinctive style and preternatural talent, she stopped by my booth: “Wait a minute, you’re Aborigen? I’ve read all your work!” The mutual fan epiphany gives me life. I’d also had a rousing, intense conversation about creativity with Tail-Blazer, and I was deeply impressed with the dating sim she Cavitees was developing (I think all three of them were in on it, actually. I’m unclear on the details). These people are not just performing within a format: they’re taking what’s familiar and making it something fresh and new and distinct, creating a new species of artistic style. Imagine getting to meet them in person, shake their hand, and talk about anything with them!

Then I sat in as part of the Size History panel, again, among people I’ve admired for a long time. Taedis led the moderation and the audience had great questions. It is my personal pleasure to hear about the history of pre-internet Size pursuits from everyone’s perspectives. Everyone had such adventures, took such chances, bounced on the edge of their seats (as I did), hoping for the next accidental glimpse of something amazing, never knowing where it was coming from… and certainly having no idea how to communicate this to anyone else. I’m glad to have lived in both worlds.

Juliekat stopped by my table to say how glad she was to see me, and she was surprised to hear how much I was looking forward to seeing her. At the start of 2021 my mother had a stroke, and I was the only one among four siblings who was able to take care of her. I left my wife’s pod (remember those?) and lived with my narcissistic parent for two months, helping her to heal and to cope with a major life-altering event, while struggling with my own legacy of abuse. During this time, Juliekat reached out with some consolation, when I was isolated in the suburbs with a traumatized, embittered mother, and I never forgot this kindness. It meant everything to me to hug her and thank her.

After that, things started winding down and I didn’t bother waiting until 9pm to close shop. I finally got to pitch my wares to the magnificent Irene Silver, who said it sounded like my books had been written for her, and what greater praise could someone need? After that, it was a matter of packing up in anticipation of taking off early the next day, making sure nothing was forgotten, then helping the staff break down the vendors’ room.

The trip home was smooth and uneventful. I upgraded my seat slightly, United lost my luggage, but a courier brought it to my house a day later so everything’s in order again. I think the odds are good I’ll turn out for another SizeCon.